


In the Mirror

by Keys_writings



Category: Sanders Sides (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Human, Body Dysphoria, Dissociation, Trans Logic | Logan Sanders, Trans Male Character, this was a vent fic that took a mind of its own
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-05
Updated: 2020-09-05
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 793
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26306701
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Keys_writings/pseuds/Keys_writings
Summary: There was someone in the mirrorLogan stares at the person, trying to figure out who it was.
Kudos: 22





	In the Mirror

**Author's Note:**

> This isn't the final draft of first chapter, but if I keep it in my drafts for any longer I know its not going to get posted so tada ig. This is not beta read bc I don't have someone to do it so please let me know if you see any errors !

There was someone in the mirror

Logan stares at the person, trying to figure out who it was.

~~~

This morning Roman accidentally called Logan ‘she’ over breakfast. He didn’t mean it and was horrified as he apologized to Logan. Logan reassured him it was okay. And it was. Logan was Logan, was _male_. As long as he knew that he was fine. It didn’t matter to what anyone else thought.

At least at home. Then Logan had to go out and be Lauren all day. Logan had to go and be the she Roman had said he was.

And that little comment stayed in the back of his head all day.

~~~  
Logan stares at the person in the mirror.  
~~~

Every time someone called out ma’am to him. Anytime someone would eye him out of the corner of their eye, trying to tell who he was, /what/ he was. The look of realization they got when he spoke with his voice too high, too feminine even with him trying to down pitch it. It ate at him. He wasn’t out to anyone besides his friends. They tried to argue for him to strangers that he was a guy but Logan always stopped them. It wasn’t the public’s fault they called him she.

It was Logan’s.

~~~  
Logan stares at the person in the mirror.  
~~~

He was Lauren when his parents called, to see how he was performing in his college classes. To see if maybe she could raise her A grade to an A+ if she just tried a little harder. His parents voiced their displeasure at his choice of major again, saying chemical engineering “wasn’t a good fit for a young woman like her.” They say they love her.

He doesn’t say it back.

Logan goes and spends an hour in a study session as Lauren, trying to help a high school girl with her homework. The girl's parents praised Logan. Saying how admirable it was for a girl like him to be smart and caring. How adorable she was as she explains the work. How they had a young man at their church who would do well with a young lady such as herself. How she looks pale, maybe she should head home early.

He does.

~~~  
Logan stares at the person in the mirror.  
~~~

He texts Patton to ask him if he could pick him up from tutoring. Patton agrees to pick him up, saying he'll be there in 15. Asking why he ended the session early. Asking him if he’s okay. Calling him when he doesn’t answer. Logan turns his phone off. Patton gets there in 5.

~~~  
Logan stares at the person in the mirror.  
~~~

Logan arrives home in a daze. He doesn’t remember how he got there. He doesn’t remember dropping his bags in a pile on the floor. Doesn’t hear Patton as he calls out to Logan. Doesn’t feel Patton trying to stop him and Logan shaking him off. Doesn’t remember walking to his bedroom.

~~~  
Logan stares at the person in the mirror  
~~~

The walk into the bedroom only makes Logan fall deeper into his stupor. He doesn’t recognize the room he’s in. He thinks it should be his. Why would he enter a room that wasn’t his? There’s a bed and some drawers. But where is he? There’s a piece of furniture covered with a cloth. Maybe that will explain who’s room he’s in. As he approaches he feels a sense of foreboding fills him. Before he can think about it he’s yanked the blanket off of it. Logan sees someone the the reflection.

~~~  
Logan stares at the person in the mirror.  
~~~

Logan breathing quickens. He didn’t recognize this person. Why were they here? Logan raises his hand and stops in an aborted attempt to reach out to them. If he reaches out he’ll know the truth of who they are. But does he want to know? He doesn’t know but he doesn’t want to find out and isn’t that _terrifying_. 

~~~  
Logan stares at the person in the mirror. The person stares back.  
~~~

~~~  
Logan stares at the person in the mirror.  
~~

~~~  
Logan stares at the person-  
~~

~~~  
Logan stares-  
~~~

~~~  
Logan-  
~~~

~~~  
Logan is in the mirror.  
~~~

He stumbles out of the room in a panic. The fog that still remains in his head did nothing to quell the rising fear he felt.

Logan didn’t hear or see the person already in the living room until he ran into them. There was a sound close to him. A voice, he realized belatedly. The sound washes over him. He doesn’t understand what they’re trying to say to him. He has to leave. Logan takes one shaky step, another, before his legs give out under him. Something grabs his arm.

Logan’s mind shuts off.


End file.
